Most problems we face result from unmet or unclear expectations. Sharing space with another program can be tricky: where do teachers store materials? Are small children safe in rooms where school age children may have left something behind? Who is responsible if the room is damaged and the timing can't be determined? Whose insurance goes up?

Do everything you can to flesh out expectations between programs and program directors, even between classroom teachers. Here are some steps that both you and the after school director can take that will help clarify expectations:

-Invite teachers to list what they need from other teachers using the same space;
-Meet with the building's owner to go over, amend and agree to the terms of the lease so that the needs of both programs are met;
-Talk with your insurance agent(s); level with them about the situation. Ask them how you can reduce risks and prevent conflicts;
-Make your own list of concerns and hopes to discuss with the school age director.

Once you have gotten clear on your hopes for the way things will go:

-Meet jointly with the school age director and the building owner to make sure all issues are discussed and worked through in advance;
-Have a joint meeting/phone conversation with your insurance agent(s) to make sure any issues are worked through
-Invite your liscensors (sp!) to join you both to talk through how to make this work in compliance with state standards
-Discuss teachers' wish lists and resolve what is agreeable and what is not realistic
-Hold an open meeting for teachers from both programs to meet and plan for smooth transitions (some of your staff may work for the school age program which will help)
-Put into writing your agreement on how things will work, after having met with and reviewed the input from all these stakeholders.

Regarding sitting on each one another's boards, here is a possible solution that will reduce conflict of interest possibilities: serve as ex officio, non-voting members who essentially are present to advise each board.

This may all sound intense and like JUST TOO MUCH!

You would be wise to meet with an attorney to work through any possible concern and work out an agreement in writing for you both. Let the attorney do much of the legwork.

In any event, nothing I have said here can serve as legal advice. These are suggestions. You may feel more secure having your own attorney's guidance.

Legal issues aside, the most important issue here is the human dimension: Can you build trust and respect for one another and can you staff do the same? The more you are able to talk things through and surface issues as soon as they appear, the easier this whole sharing will be.

I hear how frustrating this is.

Take a look at my response below about what if a leader doesn't lead (or similar) to see if that helps.

If so, great.

If not, write me again and I'll see if I can offer something else.

Hang in!

What a great opportunity! You get to pioneer in a very meaningful territory: that land between early childhood and k-12 education.

In a sentence, early childhood focuses on helping the whole child evolve through play, social-emotional development opportunities, while developing a life-long excitement about learning. K-6, as you know focuses more on children developing skills and knowledge needed to move on in the world of education.

Here are some pointer than may help:

1. Google CAYL and the work of Dr. Valora Washington. She is dedicated to not just easing the transition between early childhood and elementary school, but to making that transition meaningful and wondrous for everyone involved. CAYL conferences and online networks will be especially helpful to you, I believe.

2. Read Janet-Gonzalez Mena's delightful books on child development. Brain development from 0-4 is fascinating. Children learn in such different ways and at their own pace. Any of the other sources on brain development and early childhood ed would also be informative (consider Ellen Galinsky's latest book/DVDs as well).

3. Check out the Core Values in NAEYC's Code of Professional Responsibility. Those values are at the heart of what early childhood professionals believe.

4. Visit with early childhood programs in your area, talk with directors, visit classrooms. I bet you will be amazed at how eager young children are to learn when in environments that are tailored to meet their individual needs.

5. Identify (perhaps through CAYL) other professionals in your area who are also pioneering the bridge between early childhood and elem schools. Have coffee with them. I find that through those personal interactions, many insights emerge.

I wish you many wondrous moments!

A director in Utah, who faced the similar challenges, shared this solution:

She dedicated staff meeting time to getting all the issues about time-off out on the table, without naming names. She asked staff to talk in small groups about problems they faced when peers took time off and to come up with recommended practices and solutions. Each group was asked to identify 3 constructive ideas on how time off requests could be handled in a way that was fair to everyone. The director made it clear that the decision about what to do was hers, but that she valued staff input.

Holding a "hearing" like that allowed everyone to say out loud in an objective way, what troubled them and what some solutions might be. In the process, people who felt burdened by other people's time off got to share what the impact was on them. Whether or not the people who requested excessive time off paid attention to this information was not clear.

The director reminded staff that their professional responsibility was to show up and do their work to the best of their abilities. She said, that given the concerns raised, she would more fully scrutinize requests for time off.

After that, she met with the "offending" people individually, presenting them with the facts (their number of times-off as compared to the staff average). She asked them what they needed to do to make sure they showed up for work. She also advised them that, for the sake of the children, the team, and the program, she expected everyone to show up for work unless there were a compelling reason.

She also reminded staff that being there for the children was so essential to the job, that staff who failed to do so on a regular basis, would be subject to Progressive Disciplinary procedures.

After that, when requests came in that were not compelling, the director stepped up and said "No, we need you in the classroom."

Thanks to the director's holding the line, some staff changed their behavior. Those that did not, either left or were taken through progressive discipline.

The bottom line: We can be flexible with staff to a point, but never to the point that the program is negatively affected.

Make sense?

Reporting to a person who is not doing what you need/want her to do is frustrating and can drain your energy. Here are some ideas for you to consider:

1. Get clear (via your job description and with her, if possible) what the scope of your job is. Do your work as well as you can, given the situation. That way, at least you will feel you are making a difference.
2. Remember the wisdom of the Serenity Prayer: "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change" (her, or anyone else) and the "...courage to change the things I can" (you). Letting go of the expectation that she will be what you want her to be will ease your stress. Keep the focus on doing what you do well, without wasting time thinking about what she is not doing.
3. If safe, request an honest, respectful heart-to-heart meeting with her to address this issue. Tell her you'd like to hear what she has to say and to share your ideas on how you two can work better together for the sake of the children. Invite her to answer this question 1st: "What do you need from me to be able to accomplish what you want to do?". Ask her if she is open to your answering the same question (about what you need from her). If she is, use "I language" to say what you need. Make a plan and put it in writing. Revisit the plan. If things change, hooray. If not you have another decision to make (see 4 below).
4. If, after making this good faith effort, you can't change your work relationships/environment enough to feel comfortable there, look for work elsewhere (often easier said than done).

One final idea: Go to humanmetrics.com to take the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. Ask her to do the same. Share your results. You may find that the challenges you have are due in part to differing preferences. Identify and discuss those. You will also find many pointers in Chapter 4 of What You Need to Lead on how to work with people who push your buttons/differ from you.

I hope this helps you.

Your situations sounds so frustrating. The squeaky wheel keeps getting the grease while the other wheels just keep rolling without back-up.

This sadly happens a lot and often results from conflict avoidance. Did you know 70% of women and 80% of early childhood leaders fear confrontation? Some of us will do anything to avoid those scary feelings of holding someone accountable for unprofessional behavior.

Here's an above board solution for you to try:

-Ask yourself: Is there anything I can do to help the under-performing staff member improve her performance? Sometimes, just taking her out for coffee and sharing your concern with her in a non-threatening way helps, e.g. "I notice that you are having a hard time __________. I know LIFE can get in the way. Is there anything I can do as your colleague to help out?" Wouldn't it be grand if this resolved the issue? Some people are hurting and don't know how to ask for help. Your kindness makes it easier for her to share what's up and what she needs. If the situation is serious, suggest that you and she meet with the director to get help.
-If this approach fails, gather up other strong, hard-working teachers to join you in having a conversation with the director.
-Ask the director if you and other teachers can meet with her to share a common concern. If your director would feel intimidated by a group, you are wiser to do talk with her one at a time.
-Share the FACTS with your director: What have you noticed is not being done by peers. What would you like everyone to do? What steps have you taken to try to help out as a peer.
-Observe how the director responds.
-If you feel heard, go back to doing the job you do well and let go of worrying about others are doing or not doing.
-If things change (the other person is held accountable), you have met your goal.
-If the situation remains the same, you have two choices:
1. Let go of focusing on what others are and are not doing; do your best regardless.
2. If letting go is not possible, look for another situation where the director's approach better
meets your needs.

One of the toughest things is to let go of feeling resentful in unfair situations. Do what is in your power to make things better. If you cannot change the outside world, change your inside world. That's where serenity awaits you.

I have come across the similar situation. I worked for an ECE institution for 18 years ,hoping directer would realize this issue some day but when i was taken in the board and i raised the issue i got a very horrifying responce .I had to give up and leave the job.

This is a tough personal and professional challenge. That's your child in someone else's classroom after all!

See if this helps:

1. Do your best to make sure that your child is in the right classroom with the right teachers (I know you don't always have a choice of teachers or classrooms).

2. Have a heart-to-heart conversation with yourself: Are you willing and able to step back and let the teacher do her job? Can you let go of "hovering"? What would it take for you to feel confident with this new situation professionally and personally?

3. Have a heart-to-heart with the teacher(s) about your child, your expectations and your fears. Listen as she shares her approach. Agree on a way you can both communicate regularly without that interfering with your both doing your respective jobs.

4. With your child's teacher, set boundaries about what involvement you will and will not have in your child's classroom. In the beginning, you are likely to need more involvement (just as any parent would); once trust and confidence build, you are likely to be able to let go of needing to "supervise" more.

5. As much as is developmentally appropriate (I know you know this; but it's worth saying), let your child know the boundaries at work. When will you see each other? What if the child wants to go to your classroom? In most cases, if you are clear and clearly happy with the child's teachers, your child will be too.

6. Check in with the teachers periodically to give one another feedback on how this is working for your child and both/all of you.

7. Don't leave home without your sense of humor and humility. Eventually, your child will be with other teachers all day and you won't be in those schools. Everything you do today supports your child's trust of learning with others, not just you.

The last point is also one you have thought of: Involve your director. S/he knows you both, your strengths and your shortcomings. She can help you build a parent-teacher relationship that works for the sake of your child.

This is a fascinating personal challenge, isn't it? Here you are a professional, a teacher, aware of so many things about what children need. Yet, when it's your own child, the boundaries can fly out the window.

So many times, I sat with my son's teachers in pre-school, elementary school and beyond, believing that, as a professional, I could handle whatever came my way. Then, something would come up and before I knew it, my mother bear protectiveness would come out. This is a learn as we go lifelong process, or was for me at least.

Do you know the saying: "Do what you love and you will never work a day in your life"?

Perhaps some barriers (external and/or internal) are getting in the way of your loving what you do. So, my 1st question for you is the Big Question: What are you on earth to do?

For some of us, the answer to that question comes immediately from within. For others of us, the question has either no clear answer or a constantly changing one. For a step by step process (similar to a treasure hunt) for finding your purpose, check out Chapter 4 of my new book, What You Need to Lead and Early Childhood Program: Emotional Intelligence in Practice (NAEYC 2012).

One instantaneous way to get a glimpse of your purpose is to reflect on a time when you felt you were absolutely doing what you are meant to do. Your work was effortless, you felt totally at home with yourself, everything flowed and your spirit was happy.

During that time, what were you doing? What touched your heart? What stimulated your intellect? Honor what you find out about yourself during this reflection, and commit to creating more moments like this.

Knowing your purpose, even partially, helps with motivation. You won't need to find external prompts to be motivated. The motivation comes from within. Does that make sense?

Beyond knowing your purpose, you might also benefit from listing what feeds your spirit and what addles/takes energy away from your spirit.

Try making 2 quick lists:

-What gives you energy/restores your soul?
-What steals or saps your energy?

The simple solution from here is to systematically build in more activities that feed your spirit and systematically remove the activities that sap you of energy.

For example, I know that getting up early each morning to walk my dog for an hour is good for me; so, I do it even when I feel crabby or exhausted. I also know Weight Watchers gives me structure for eating healthily. I love having long conversations with my close friends; so, regardless of how hectic our lives are, we consider our time at a cafe sacred each month.

Barriers? Do you have a problem saying "no"? One of the most liberating choices I have made is saying good bye to relationships with people who take and do not give. At first, I felt guilty (because I am such a good care giver). Soon, however, I loved the freedom from unnecessary obligation.

As a director, you have a ready-made energy and spirit booster: A director support group. Have you ever been to a meeting? Wow. People share their challenges, what works, ask for help and receive great ideas. Some directors say the greatest thing is just knowing other people face the same issues. If you don't have a directors group, can you begin with a few director friends? Once the word gets out, your group will grow. Your local R&R may be able to help structure this too. I have been asked to facilitate directors' support groups. Your R&R may be able to bring in a local facilitator.

Back to the main point: Do what you love and everything else falls into place (Joseph Campbell). Along the way, however, shed the debilitating stuff and commit to what restores your soul.

You will probably be much more organized about doing this than I am, one step at a time.

Motivation bubbles up once we get the junk out of our way.

I hope this helps.

Thanks, Ann.

For those of you who don't know Ann Ditty, she is an expert on licensing and a long term leader with NARA (Natl Assoc of Regulatory Agencies). She and NARA have worked steadfastly for quality care and education. Their goal is to partner with early childhood professionals and to keep the children's best interests always at the forefront.

Some people view a visit from the state licensing staff member like a dentist's appointment. Consider instead how you and this person can work together. Kids always benefit from these strong and positive adult relationships.

Some people are born advocates. If you are one, do what you do well: contact legislators, go to your state house, share your ideas. And please accept a HUGE thank you from all of us.

If you are not a born advocate, no worries, you have other strengths. This means you have other ways of making sure quality comes first beginning with your own program. From there, ask yourself, what you and others in your area together can do to make all our programs stellar for children.

Many people find working in AEYC affiliate chapters can be fulfilling. You can move from making a difference in a small sphere to a larger sphere. So many ways exist for you to make a difference.

I wish you well.

Absolutely! Gossip (talking about someone who is not present with the intention to harm her reputation) is destructive to everyone.

In the last 6 months, the New York Times reported that 4 year old girls are forming exclusive cliques that leave out other children, especially other girls.

Dr. Phyllis Chesler, author of Woman's Inhumanity to Woman, has compelling research on gossip. I recommend you listen to the podcast I did with her on my BAMradionetwork.com (Leadership channel) program, Heart to Heart Conversations on Leadership: Your guide to making a difference. The podcasts are all 10 mins or less, and packed with useful tips.

Go online to NAEYC's Young Children to find "Gossip free zones: Problem solving to prevent power struggles" (2010). That article has a step by step strategy for eliminating gossip in our programs.

If you are a director, you have systemic responsibilities and power to change the organizational culture to a gossip-free culture.

If you are a teacher, you still have considerable power to create a gossip free zone around you and in your classroom. Just by saying: "Since you have a problem with X, please talk w/ X or the director about it and not me". Or "I am not comfortable talking about someone who is not present". Or just refocus her on the children in a positive way.

I find that surrounding myself with a gossip-free zone is liberating. Let me know if any of these pointers helps you.

Oh my, two challenges like this can be exhausting for you. I know you'll feel better when you are able to take action to make things better.

First, please read my recent post in response to the person who also said her director was the problem. I hope one of those 4 pointers will help.

Let's deal with the office bully. What are you experiencing?

Bullies, whether adults or children, garner power by intimidation, threats and otherwise annihilating the well-being and self-esteem of the people around them.

Gossipers, for example are adult bullies, when they essentially threaten: "If I gossip to you, I will gossip about you". If you don't go along with the bully-gossiper, you will be next in line to be shunned and otherwise left out.

Recent adult brain research shows that our pain centers light up with the same intensity when we are shunned, abandoned or humiliated as when we are physically struck. Bullies hurt us!

So, what to do?

You can stop the bully from being effective with you if you refuse to be intimidated. To do this, you have 2 choices:

1. Confront the bully: let her know what behaviors of hers are not working for you and what you need instead...all by using "I" language, e.g. "Amy, when you talk to me about the Director's weaknesses, I am not comfortable with that. I'd prefer to talk with you about some of the great things that happened today with the children." Or, more directly: "Amy, please don't gossip to me."

2. Let the bully know in other ways, less direct than confrontation, that you "aren't having any". For example, "Amy, I need to focus on the children right now". Seventy percent of women fear confrontation. If that's you, no worries. You can still be effective by diverting the bully into something more positive, in much the same way as we redirect children.

Your deeper challenge, of course, is that the director is not stepping up to confront the bully. That's a double whammy that can be hard to tolerate.

If you feel you can do your job in your own domain, do that as well as you can. Every time you find yourself getting sidetracked by anger at the bully or the director, refocus on the child in your care.

One caution: If the bully's behavior is destructive, you need to level with the director about that. Our first responsibility is "Above all, do not harm". If neither person changes her behavior, you may need to be the one to leave.

If the director doesn't take action, you 'll need to decide if you can stay in that environment.