To me, coregulation means taking control of my emotions and feelings and making sure I have them in check when I’m working with each baby. Working with infants is unique. Some might think, “Oh, you get to cuddle babies all day, change diapers, and give bottles.” Yes, we do those things. But those times are made up of even tinier moments where we connect with and build relationships with the babies. We do this through how we handle their big, important feelings. We show them that we know and understand that they’re upset (they can’t reach a toy; Mom left; they don’t want their diaper changed right now) and that we are going to support them through the process of learning to regulate themselves. What might seem like a small, unimportant issue to an outsider is that child’s entire world in that moment.

Expressing themselves when they feel a certain way is absolutely allowed, as long as we are keeping ourselves and others safe. In our classroom of infants, we acknowledge and name the children’s emotions. We verbalize why they may feel those emotions and what we might do together to solve whatever is spurring their feelings. If we can’t solve a problem together, we simply cuddle the babies or are just physically there for them, letting them know that their emotions are valid and that they are heard and recognized. We don’t try to quiet crying or fussing—we know and understand that crying is communication at this age. We also give them words to name what they’re feeling from the moment they enter our room, whatever their age.

If you’ve ever been in an infant room for an extended period of time, you know that energies feed off of one another. One child crying can set off another and can sometimes lead to a chain reaction of nearly everyone being upset. When we need to calm the room, we use a variety of strategies to focus the babies’ attention. Distractions are usually key: bubbles in the sunlight, music, a favorite sensory table activity, or just going outside and getting fresh air. We also have a variety of areas in our classroom that can help calm infants when they’re feeling overstimulated and need their own space. These include quiet, small spaces with cozy materials and low light. We are blessed with large windows in our classroom, and we regularly use our blinds to regulate the amount of light we want to let in, depending on the current needs of the children.

It’s important to partner with families about coregulation strategies. Positive, honest communication is a priority for us, and we make that happen by creating and maintaining strong, healthy relationships with our classroom families. Without those relationships, our jobs would be significantly harder.

As educators, I feel like it should be an expectation to openly communicate with families every day about what we’re observing. We do this during drop-off and pickup times. We also ask questions about what families observe at home and the strategies they use to calm their children. When families are struggling, we offer information: my coteacher is phenomenal at pulling together a variety of research-based resources for our weekly newsletter. These pertain to issues families may have at home or issues we struggle with in the classroom. We also have twice-yearly family-educator conferences that allow us time to talk with families in a way that isn’t as rushed as drop-off and pickup times can be.

As an infant educator, you have to understand that while the room may be lively, active, and sometimes chaotic, you must rein in your own feelings and calm yourself.

As an infant educator, you have to understand that while the room may be lively, active, and sometimes chaotic, you must rein in your own feelings and calm yourself. When feeling overwhelmed, I find it helpful to take a step away or to take a deep breath. This helps me to be the calm for these tiny humans who are learning from us.

Photographs: courtesy of Jayda Brink
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